I didn’t want to accept failure. Even though sometimes the strength it takes to admit failure is probably worth as much as the determination not to quit. So there you have, I was stuck fighting for a relationship with a boyfriend who, in truth be told, I’d rather forget ever existed.

What made pigs different? Why were they bred for food and held in captivity, while dogs and cats were welcomed into our homes and treated like family? Aside from physicality, we could see no difference between her and our dogs.

Picture the person who intimidates you most. Now picture them crouched like a dog, pooping on the sidewalk, looking up at you, all vulnerable. We all poop. Maybe not on the sidewalk, but nobody is better than you and don’t let them think they are for a minute.

All of my most significant moments somehow involved music. It’s like my life was a John Hughes film and somebody had to put together the perfect soundtrack.

People make changes in their life, and they blend and assimilate. They find a way to make it work. That’s where I’ve always taken the wrong turn. By not taking a turn at all.

When a girl says, ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this!’ just know that she had it planned from the minute she shaved.

If you have a good date, it’s nice to text them afterward to say “thanks.” But if they were totally lame, it’s fun to text “unsubscribe.”

Don’t sit back and be a bystander of your own life.

People often say that writing is ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration. This is nonsense, of course. It’s pretty much one hundred percent caffeine.

Believing there’s no such thing as luck is very unlucky. Like, the worst. Beyond stealing someone’s lucky four-leaf clover.